The Lean-In Factor Why Some Feedback Ignites Growth While Others Shuts It Down.

As I approach my two-year anniversary  I’ve been reflecting on the hundreds of feedback conversations I’ve witnessed, coached, or led.

I’ve seen the "Lean-In" factor in action: those rare moments where a single conversation transforms a struggling employee into a superstar. But I’ve also seen the opposite, where the wrong approach causes a talented person to mentally "check out" before the meeting is even over.

It reminds me of a moment very early in my own career

I remember sitting in a cold, glass-walled office, being told I simply needed to “improve.” No examples. No roadmap. Just a vague sense that I wasn't meeting an invisible bar. I didn’t walk away motivated; I walked away second-guessing every email I sent and every word I spoke. I didn't feel like a valued professional; I felt "threatened."

That experience stayed with me. When I stepped into my role here at Esconet Technologies , I made it my mission to ensure that our culture was built on a different foundation.

What I’ve learned over the stint here is this: People don’t resist feedback. They resist feeling judged.

The difference between a high-performer leaning into a critique and a talented person shutting down isn't their level of competence, it's the level of psychological safety in the room. When feedback is a "delivery of conclusions," it feels like a verdict. When it's an "invitation to a conversation," it feels like an investment.

My 3-Step Framework for Feedback that Actually Sticks:

Focus on the "What," not the "Who": Discuss the specific behavior and its impact. It’s never about who the person is (character); it’s about what the person did (action).

Trade Blame for Impact: Instead of "You did this wrong," I’ve found it more effective to say: "When this happened, it caused [X] impact on the team's goals. Let's look at how we can pivot next time

End with Trust, Not Tension: Growth requires a safety net. Every feedback session should conclude with a clear offer of support and a reminder that we are on the same team.

I’m more convinced than ever: our job as managers isn't just to point out the gaps..it's to build the bridge that helps our teams cross them.

When we get this right, people don’t walk away defensive. They walk away clearer, stronger, and ready to lead.